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In the aftermath, they shall mourn
(April 16, 2009)
April 16, 2009 -
I lost a part of myself yesterday. As everyone knows, or should know, I had to put my cat Tabitha down. See her page here - Tabitha or the blogs about it all here - Tabitha is dying. Anyone that knows me knows how much one of my pets means to me. It doesn't matter how many animals that I have owned, or that I own currently; every single one of them is a part of my heart. When I lose one of them, a part of me dies. I bond with my pets in a way that few can understand. I may not be one of those people that bond with their pets and treat them as humans. Yes, I freely love them and kiss them all over their little heads and bodies, but they are still animals and animals are how I treat them. I don't feed them off my plate; I don't spoil them, nor do I spend exorbitant amounts of money on them. If I had the money, maybe I would only in things that were a necessity for them. I do however, spoil them with love. Not so much that they can't be without me though--there is a fine line between loving an animal and them becoming co-dependent on you. I treat my animals with love and kindness that a lot of them didn't have before me, but they do get their time-outs when they are bad as in the case of bad barking.
I love my animals.
So yesterday when I had to put Tabitha down, I lost a part of myself. I can spend so much time just looking into their eyes and listening to what they have to say. Which may be why people tell me I have a special gift when it comes to animals. Because I know them. I can see into their hearts and souls. I turn animals that are not able to be petted and are problems, into animals that people look at and think they are the best animals on the planet. A cat that I can put my parakeet in front of and she smells of it and that's it. A dog that I can leave in a room alone with a cat or a parakeet flying freely and she doesn't touch either--minus the kissing she does. Or, the same dog that is desgined to hunt chickens can walk freely in the backyard with a chicken and do nothing but ignore it. My pets are everything to me.
But not only are my pets everything to me, but they are everything to each other. The loss of Tabitha has hit home for them. More specifically Sabrina.
Sabrina was Tabitha's friend. She always got onto Tabitha because she learned that when we'd yell at Tabitha not to scratch at the couch, that meant NO. So Sabrina always took it upon herself to nip at Tabitha when she'd go to scratch the couch. Even without us uttering a word.
She was the one dog that Tabitha didn't hide from when she'd walk over to give kisses to. Sabrina wasn't a slobberer so Tabitha never minded Sabrina coming over to her to love on her. When Tabitha would lay on the edge of her table or anything that was at a height she was able to swat at Sabrina, she would alway swat at her as she'd walk past. They were really good friends. As are all my pets with each other. Some it takes longer before they bond, but when they bond? They bond. Like in the case of Amber and Sabrina. When we take Sabrina rfom the house, Amber will sit in the window and whimper once in a while. Every vehicle she hears, she will run to the window. When Sabrina comes back home Amber attacks her and you can just hear her saying, "Sabrina!!! Oh my god you're back!! Where were you!? Why did you leave me?! I'm so happy you're hear!!" And then you can hear the giggling and laughing all during that.
Last night as I finally started feeling better--around 8 pm actually--and I was reading a book, my mom said, "Kim, look." I looked at the window to see Sabrina's head on the box we have by the window for the little dogs to see out. She just lay there watching nothing. I called her over and pulled her upper body onto my lap and held her and she just lay there a minute. Now today she will sleep under Tabitha's table in the kitchen, or on my bed, but she isn't sleeping. You can see the look in her eyes.
She took care of me yesterday and now today is her turn. She's hit with Tabitha's passing pretty hard. So Amber has been extra vigilant about being with her this morning. I took this photo first thing in the morning because of Sabrina's look on her face--it says everything--and I thought that Amber was just precious.
So I also wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been there and said something. It's very hard today, but at least I'm not having such a hard time. A friend said something to me last night that really helped me as well. He told me "your choice was the most humane. That's love." So thank you to you for saying that. Everyone has helped me greatly and I really appreciate it. It's difficult when I am so used to being on a schedule with her, playing with her; feeding her at certain times; cleaning her box at certain times, so that when she's not around and I don't have to, you sort of go... now what? I'm used to hearing her small meow everytime I'd even look her way, or her to run underfoot and shove me aside when it was time for her feeding that not having her here is, as I said, rather difficult. At least I'm not crying like an idiot over everything today, but I'm still quite sad. But now it's my girls that it's hitting now that they've finished taking care of momma. My poor Brina especially. So now it's time for momma to take over again and take care of Sabrina. She guarded Tabitha really big time these past few weeks and she's having it tough today. She misses her friend.
This was a few days before putting Tabitha down.
She is the caregiver to all which is why we affectionately call her 'Nanna'
She always takes care of anyone you ask her to with no questions
Give vid a second to load before playing. Saved in lower bandwidth so older computers can handle it. Song is by Yurima 'Rive Flows in You.' If you want the HQ vid of this, go to YouTube and search out 'katkisa' and you can see the original vid, without the lower bandwidth.
HQ of the vid. Same thing, but without pictures at beginning and music. The original.
October 4, 1995 - April 15, 2009 10:35 am
Gone, but never forgotten
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